Perspective | Ask Amy: A father-in-law wants to be called by his name, not 'Grampa' - The Washington Post
My son has had two marriages … both of his wives have never felt comfortable calling me “Dad,” or by my first name. Instead, they have called me “Grampa” in text messages, and even when we're together.
Or, when the grandkids are not around, my daughter-in-law might say, “Oh, what your Dad said was funny” — never using my name!
What happened today was the last straw: In a group text message with my wife and me, our two kids and their spouses, the daughter-in-law wrote: “Thanks Grampa and Gramma for babysitting for us!”
Otherwise, I have a great relationship with her. Would it be OK for me to talk to her and say, “When the kids are not around, can you please call me by my first name, or “Dad?”
Say My Name: I know of younger generation in-laws who never address their elder parents-in-law by any specific name, because they’ve never had any direction from the elder and are too timid to ask.
Many people don’t feel comfortable calling their in-laws “Mom and Dad,” because they already have parents they address this way.
You don't mention how your son addresses his parents-in-law (if he has them). This might provide some insight.
My point is that your daughter-in-law won't know that this bothers you if you aren't brave enough to gently tell her.
So, you say, “This might sound like a minor thing, but would you mind calling me by my first name? I am cool being “Grandpa” when we’re with the kids or referring to the kids, but otherwise I’d love it if you would just call me ‘Dave.’ Are you okay with that?”
Dear Amy: I’ve recently become good friends with a woman and have begun to develop romantic feelings for her. We have spent a great deal of one-on-one time together over the past month, and on more than one occasion, we have shared moments that have led me to believe that the feeling might be mutual; eye contact, flirtatious language, and at one point, she admitted that she found me physically attractive.
I respect her right to date whoever she wants and don’t want to make things weird by pushing the issue, but whenever we’re together, I feel a pull of attraction that is getting hard to ignore.
Is she waiting for me to say something? Or just using me as a distraction because she's lonely? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it?
I fear that if this goes on much longer, I'm going to have to say something or begin to distance myself from the situation.
Smitten: The right move is to talk!: “Are you waiting for me to say something?” “Am I reading too much into this attraction?”
If your conversation progresses and she expresses interest in you, I hope you will make sure she knows that you are not willing to date her while she is involved with someone else. I suspect she will find this ethical stand of yours refreshing — and attractive.
Relieved: Adele famously suffers from performance anxiety. I read that she has given herself an alter ego: “Sasha Carter” (honoring Beyoncé and June Carter).
source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2021/12/24/ask-amy-father-in-law-wants-to-be-called-by-name-not-grampa/
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