Perspective | Ask Amy: Mother-in-law's memorial service brings on acute anxiety - The Washington Post
I had asked my wife if she would be willing to delay her mother's memorial service for three or four months until the coronavirus recedes, but she and her siblings have decided to proceed with a memorial service next month.
Conflicted: I venture that your reluctance to make this trip is based more on your free-floating anxiety than on specific risk factors to your own health — understanding that the overall fear of contracting covid is overwhelming — for you and for many.
The pandemic has pushed many of us into a state of high-alert, and existing in that state, especially while we are also isolated, is particularly exhausting and paralyzing.
I can’t advise you as to whether to take this on. You are obviously very anxious about it; you obviously don’t want to do it. Tiptoeing out into the world in stages would be easier on you than hopping onto a plane for a long flight.
All the same, although you could be exposed to the coronavirus virtually anywhere, I’m not aware of any major outbreaks within the past year occurring as the result of flying.
Staying home is always safest. Staying home prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver on the highway. Not being around others will inoculate you from colds, allergies and emotional wear-and-tear.
When I am out in public with an acquaintance or co-worker, I can be in mid-sentence when some people will suddenly pick at my black shirt, and then say, "There was a hair on your shirt."
White on Black: When people do this, they are not doing you a favor; they are treating their own discomfort — by removing something that distracts them and pulls their focus away from you.
You might never feel this impulse to smooth, straighten or pluck (nor do I), but I agree with your instinct that doing so is something of a compulsion for people who cannot seem to resist.
Dear Amy: I'd like to thank "Old Veteran" for expressing the same discomfort I feel when people thank me for my military service.
I don't regret being in the military but, given that the war I served in (Afghanistan) didn't seem to lead to anything positive for anyone, I don't think anyone has anything to thank me for.
Another Old Veteran: I’ve had a huge response to the heartfelt letter from this Vietnam veteran — most of it compassionate and understanding.
source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/ask-amy-mother-in-laws-memorial-service-brings-on-acute-anxiety/2021/10/20/d110506e-27c2-11ec-8d53-67cfb452aa60_story.html
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