Perspective | Ask Amy: She's still hurt that her mother-in-law refused to help after her traumatic birth - The Washington Post
During the worst of this painful postpartum time, my active, able-bodied MIL came to visit the baby. I asked her if she'd throw in a load of laundry while she was at the house, since I couldn't get downstairs easily.
The problem is that now, whenever she comes over and complains about having to do her own housework (she is able-bodied and lives alone), it brings back these awful memories of feeling completely abandoned by her during my greatest time of need.
It is literally like a terrifying flashback to those hard days when my pain was so excruciating. I was struggling every day simply not to give up!
Gutted: My first recommendation is that you pay very close attention to your own health. Your traumatic experience giving birth (and it sounds truly and extremely painful), could have triggered postpartum depression — and/or post-traumatic stress disorder.
I am not being deliberately alarmist, but you say your flashbacks are “terrifying,” and if these feelings don’t ease considerably with time, you really must seek mental health support and treatment.
You can initiate a challenging conversation by saying, “This is a hard topic for me to bring up. I hope you will understand that I need to be honest with you. I am still struggling to recover from an incredibly challenging birth. You’ve made it clear that you aren’t willing to help out around our house, and I accept that. But every time you complain about your own burdens, I’m reminded of my own. I really wish you wouldn’t do it.”
Those who are working should be paying (some) rent. (Some parents who charge rent choose to save it and then give the amount to the child when they move out.)
You and your husband should lay down reasonable expectations for all of your sons, and even if this is an extreme change for them — you parents should stick to your guns.
Do NOT pick up after them. Hound them. It’s more work for you — but you want them to hear your voice in their heads while they develop some life skills.
Until then, you and your husband should hold weekly family meetings, where you review how things are going and receive updates from them.
My response would have been simpler: If you can’t afford to tip a server based on the entire bill (usually a difference amounting to loose change), then you should not dine out and let others serve you.
source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2021/12/15/ask-amy-mother-in-law-traumatic-birth/
Your content is great. However, if any of the content contained herein violates any rights of yours, including those of copyright, please contact us immediately by e-mail at media[@]kissrpr.com.